I'm gonna address this first, because the topic is more... I don't know, dominant on my mind. But, when we were walking home, Tyler was telling me how I always seemed to be a sad person. It's not like I mean to be, but... right now, and I really mean right now, I just realized... I was sad over nothing really. I mean. I guess it was that longing for him (which actually hasn't been solved either, I'm still single, lol). I really shouldn't be sad... I don't think.. Well, I guess yeah. No. I'm gonna try and be cheery again. :D Smile, dammit, smile!

With that being said, after talking to Hypno last night, I reaffirmed my having to talk to Tyler today. Which was kinda hard at first... Because, you know, totally afraid of being shut out and ignored and stuff... I mean, I know Tyler's a nice guy who wouldn't do that and all, but... yeah. Eventually, though, I went up to him and asked to talk to him, and he asked me not to take too long so he could enjoy his last lunch with David. I didn't intend to take a while, but you know me... Totally afraid and evasive when I shouldn't be.

Anyway, I started off with asking him what he thought I was going to ask him, which he had no clue. I was trying to get him to say it because I was afraid to. I should get out of that. I need to be more forthcoming. Anyway, eventually, he got an idea, but he didn't want to say because he wanted me to say it and he didn't want to say it in the case he was wrong. I kept egging him to say it, and at one point, I remember him saying that hearing me say it, would make him happy. I also remember seeing that smile of his that I happen to like... a lot. *cough* Anyway, eventually, he said what I was planning he was going to say, which was him thinking that I was going to ask him out.  It actually wasn't my question, but it was what I was aiming for him to say, and so I asked him that, if that was my question what the answer would be... Which turned out to be a "not now, maybe later." Not the answer I wanted, but it was good enough. So much better than him telling me no straight up, which I was afraid of.

I told him, then, that the real question I was going to ask was if he realized that I still harbor romantic feelings for him. Which he seems to acknowledge. Also, I told him that he should let me know if and when that no becomes a yes. I hope it does... Anyway, after that, I let him return to his friends and I went to sign Vanessa's yearbook (she had texted me while I was talking to Tyler, and oddly enough he had told me to tell her, if she was asking where I was, that I was pinning Tyler to the wall, which what I was doing at the time).

Looking at it now, maybe actually kind of is the worse thing he could've told me. I mean, yes and no are definite, maybe is in that gray area... I mean, I asked him to elaborate so I don't get my hopes up to high and he told me that it was a maybe because he wasn't thinking of dating anyone at the moment. Which, I guess, is kind of good and bad in a way, but, like I said, better than an outright no. Also, before he said that his life is kind of chaotic right now and so he doesn't really have the time for a relationship. ...So,  I guess in some ways, I wish he had said no, because, knowing me, I might end up freaking out over it all summer... Yeah, that's me in a nutshell. So, hopefully, he'll change his mind later on and tell me yes. Also, saying maybe is kind of a failsafe because he may be riding on the fact that saying maybe will satisfy me now and by the time the next school year starts I will have moved on and he won't have to worry about it. If that happens... I can't tell you. All I'm really going to do for now is stay positive and hope for the best.

Won't let it get to me... lol. Well, I'll try. Also, there's something else I have to do tomorrow... lol.

Other than that, school day was pretty... yeah. On the good side my permit came in the mail! :D I haven't looked at it yet...

...

Ew. My picture sucks.